DFC #262 |
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Image © 1998 Bil Keane, Inc. Distributed by Cowles Synd., Inc. |
"Alright. So my grades stunk. Least I'm not a sleazy, crack-whore, toddler-molesting housewife like you, Cyclops Tit!"--Magus
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Under the threat of not getting to fondle your tomato any more, I confess to being the real Unabomber.--anon
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There's 562 signatures on this petition, so change the skirt, or face legal action.--Namgubed the Merry Elf
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"Write about what you know", people tell me. Well, all I know from our family is sex, excessive drinking and drugging, bestality, child abuse and no values! Up yours!--Mr. Ben
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Hey, Charles Bukowski got his start writing for porn mags!--murpes
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Failed, shmailed....who needs verbs anyways?--Jenn Dolari
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"You know how Daddy 'splained how being a drunk was genetic an' all? Well, it looks like bein' smart works the same way."--anon
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Bil and Roy left for Amsterdam this morning. As this strip's proxy artist, unless these demands are met you can kiss the scenery goodbye and I may have to get, how you say, creative with your proportions. Shoulda been nicer when you had the chance, Ma.--Orrin Bloquy
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It's my formal letter...I'm seceding from this family. I'm tired of being treated like a melon-headed step-child.--R.J.M.
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Hold on...PJ is a drooling idiot, Jeffy can't count on his fingers, and Dolly thinks Xena is historical fact. A C- makes me a savant!!!--Paul "Slept thru Algebra" Reed
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You can understand why I thought man evolved from melons, can't you?--anon
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I'm sorry. I promise I'll never get another A+ again.--Anastasia
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Big fucking deal. I forgot to give you the ransome note for PJ. I gotta be honest, Mom. I think that little bastard was taking way too much of your time.--Radio Show
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So we have the same prison pen pal.. I wouldn't exactly call that 'cheating'. At least not for another 3-8 years.--Radio Show
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Yeah, can you believe they sent me home from school for this?? If you ask me anything read the wrong way can be interpreted as a death threat!!--Al
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"I'm sorry, Mrs. Keane, but this is your last warning. Payment in full by 3 o'clock this afternoon or a document identical to the one you hold will be delivered to every newspaper in the tri-state area. Good day, Mrs. Keane."--Thany
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"I TOLD you Miss Hooper wouldn't like a theme called 'My Mother Swings Both Ways and Wants to Meet You'!"--Tillman
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Yeah, ain't it a kicker? You think after being in the same grade for 30 years, I'd get everything right, huh?--The Boy
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"Okay, okay. I think I've got my lines memorized for the next twelve panels. Here we go.. 'Pull my finger, Bil.' 'My wife? I thought it was your wife!' 'Open wide for Chunky!'"--Now do it again with more feeling!-Herr Thel
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"Paragraph four states I get to do three singing duos with you a month. So from the top I wanna hear 'I Got You, Babe' or I call my attorney."--helen keller
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Geez, mom, it's only a story. Of COURSE I don't think you slept with ALL of the Dallas Cowboys.--Shawn Labounty
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Like you could write a better book report on "Giles Goat-Boy."--Anastasia
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With this panel Bil Keane fulfilled his original product placement deal with the National Plaid Council.--Gen. Sedgwick
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Like spelling errors are really an issue in a death threat, sheesh!--Bil's Drinkin' Buddy
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You're askin' me where I got the inspiration for "Attack of the Wasp Waisted Plaid Woman?" Geez, Mom, I got an A for once! Can't you EVER be happy?--Jenn Dolari
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...so the principal says if you sign that, the parents will be willing to drop the sexual assault and forcible sodomy charges. Of course, Bil can't come to any more PTA meetings and will have to be castrated, but is that really a bad thing?--Sinister
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"Maybe Charles Dickens didn't start out this way, but Henry Miller did."--Randall
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