DFC #321 |
![]() |
|
Image © 1998 Bil Keane, Inc. Distributed by Cowles Synd., Inc. |
"PJ's lower intestine. Why?"--Randall
![]()
Are you kidding? The narcs are never gonna think to look in here!--gbc
![]()
"Mad, am I? Mad! That's what they all call me. Well, tell me, mother, would a madman be able to crossbreed a goldfish and a shark? Would a madman be able to make a dead frog walk? I am not a madman! I AM A GENIUS!!!"--Magus
![]()
Since moving to Stepford, Billy had learned to take full advantage of those moments when Mom's "batteries ran down" -- to use Daddy's strange turn of phrase.--Trism
![]()
Ever see "Robot Monster"? Now I'm just looking for a gorilla suit!--Nethicus
![]()
Listen, if I wanted to stay here and be shiftless bum, I would. But I'm going to make something of myself. Three days later, they found Billy huddled along the side of the road, screaming 'I won't eat you Goldie', and clutching the bowl. The Keanes come home--Darth Vader, Lord of The Dance
![]()
The acetone didn't work. There must be some solvent that'll get me the skeleton for the Science Fair. Any suggestions?--Gen. Sedgwick
![]()
Johnny'll give me five bucks if I chug it!--Namgubed the Merry Elf
![]()
"Time to empty the ol' spitoon again!"--anon
![]()
So long, toots. I just found out we're related to the Wayan's. I'm going to Hollywood to get me a shitty sitcom on UPN--Hugh Jass
![]()
No allowance this week? That's okay, mom, the sperm bank's buying.--Mr. ?
![]()
You liked the lemonade? That's because Grandma's secret recipie calls for fish poop and semen. --Mr. ?
![]()
Allways wondered what was really behind that floating door in the beggining of the Twilight Zone? Now you know!--Mr. ?
![]()
Dad and Uncle Roy asked for them. And I've decided to follow a strict don't ask, don't tell policy on this one.--Anastasia
![]()
I'm going to talk to those morons in Props. This fish is no funnier than the doctor outfit.--Peon
![]()
Kittycat's stuck in the tree and we need to lure her down. Just glad it's not dad stuck up there, I hate to try and carry Roy around.--Coyote
![]()
"He's been called up to the majors. Apparently he'll be playing 'Fishbert'."--hangtownman
![]()
Everyone stares at his distorted image through the circular enclosure in which he's doomed to live his pathetic life. Damn straight I identify with him.--Gen. Sedgwick
![]()
Keane's most disastrous product placement deal yet: no one explained to him what Pepperidge Farm Goldfish were.--Gen. Sedgwick
![]()
Toilet, my ass. Cleo gets a Viking funeral!--Gen. Sedgwick
![]()
The fish is my master. He tells me things. He tells me it is good to kill. I like to kill, Mommy. "Yep," thought the typesetter, "I'll have to rewrite this one, too. Maybe another 'gaspetti' joke. Yeah, that'll do it."--phil
![]()
When he was down on his luck and in need of some quick cash, Billy would resort to hocking his pet shrimp at the local prawn shop.--hangtownman (sorry about that one)
![]()
Dolly's got her Barbie; Jeffy has his GI Joe jeep; I've got the "river"; and Bil's got the bourbon--we're playin' Chapaquidick in the sandbox.--Thel Kopechne
![]()
The fern laid in wait. His time would come. His time would come.--The Stripper With The Heart Of Zinc
![]()
"I pour it out and let them flop around and die on the hot sidewalk while Dolly reads her poems. It's performance art."--Shem
![]()
"Some guys in the park asked me to come to the 'fish concert' and 'share a bowl' with them!"--ks
![]()
"Bye, Mom! I'm settin' the fish free!" Billy enthused. Thelma, doped to the gills, could only stand there and display the hand gesture indicating her newfound gang affiliation.--ks
![]()
Unlike Bil, your garden variety goldfish can't survive in and environment composed of 90% Malt liquor and 10% bodily wastes.--Opie
![]()
Go Fish. *hee-hee* (ffff-fut fut fut) --anon
![]()
Yeah, try and stop me. One step outside this door and the whole poorly drawn neighborhood'll see you got no underwear on.--anon
![]()
Joining the Animal Liberation Front was the best thing that ever happened to me. Now I'm going to set my sea monkies free! --Mr. ?
![]()
We have to sacrifice a virgin. This was the only one I could find.--Dark Toast
![]()
"Gee Whiz, Mom!! All the other kids are sure gonna be jealous of my sushi lunchables!"--Rev-O
![]()
He spends all day soaked to the gills, circling aimlessly in his own urine and feces. You tell me what his name is!--Rotter
![]()
It took Dolly months to form an emotional attachment to it. Now, finally, I can destroy it!--Rotter
![]()
I'm just takin' the fish for a walk... * It's FUNNY, damn you!!! *--Doc Evil
![]()
Bubbles says "Go fuck yourself."--Rotter
![]()
“Yeah, I’m positive about this one, Thel--there isn’t any alcoholic content in fishwater. But if you’re that desperate, I think there’s still some gas in the mower.”
--Chuckles the Drunk
![]()
Forget it, Mom. It's dead. Your E.T. trick isn't gonna work.--Riff
![]()
Back to the DFC Archive index