DFC #195 |
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Image © 1998 Bil Keane, Inc. Distributed by Cowles Synd., Inc. |
He's going to torch the station wagon! Step on it, Mom!--Mike M.
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They watched Bil's approach with calm resignation. Only Billy--his arms trapped in the closed rear window--wasn't prepared to "leave his vehicle" in the cleansing flame.--Marty Gray
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Okay, what's with the forehead? Did you have to pay for the gas with your frontal lobes or something?--Charlie Steinhice
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"Come on, daddy, keep running! She can't go that fast stuck in first gear! Don't leave us alone with her, PLEASE!"--anonymouse
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Hey Dad! Wouldn't it be easier if you rode with us until we actually run out of gas?--Mutant Dog
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You call that an arson job? Look behind you - you had a gallon of hi-octane and you couldn't even get Charley Brown's house to stay lit without syphoning gas out of his dad's old jalopy!--OM
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Bil, you're pathetic! You took so damn long, we had hitchhikers offering to give us rides!--OM
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Daddy! You stopped for drinks, didn't you?! Your nose is bloodshot!--kewie
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When Bil saw Billy's decapitated head and arms stuck in the back window, he knew that it was now a really lousy day...--Colin
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I don't know which is worse...the old bastard abandoning us out here, or feeling remorse and coming back.--Jojo the spiv
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Only half a gallon? We'll have to lighten the load. Should we draw straws or should Thel hook a ride home like the last time?--Pastor of Muppets
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Dad, as much as you might want it to, the car won't run on piss!--Riff
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"Now, do you see why cell-phones and triple A are worthwhile, you cheap zero?"--phonsux
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Thanks, papa. You really came through for us this time.--Mighty Owl
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Hurry up. The radio said there's an escaped prisoner with a prosthetic hand on the loose!--Pik
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Aw Jeeeez!! We needed a tire, Bil! A fuckin' tire, not gas!--Ratman
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Note to myself: stop sucking before the gasoline reaches the end of the hose.--ewhac
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We send you to get gas and you come back with a jug of hillbilly wine?! That's it. I'm walking!--goon
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Hey, that's not the real Bil! What is this, Bewitched or something?!--Tom
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Step on the gas, mom! The T-1000 is catching up, and he's morphing from dad into Rodney Dangerfield!--Tom
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Good news: time travel works. Bad news: this is still the DFC, fuckhead!--Vice Pope Doug
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You fool! You forgot to cover the license plates! Let's get the hell outta here!--Big ol' Bob
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Well, it's about friggin' time, Bil. We've already had 5 guys offer to fill Mommy up.--Dave--yeah, that'll work
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How did you manage to elude the redneck with the banjo?--Anastasia
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When you're done with that, you might want to change the front tires. We got bored waiting for you.--Anastasia
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"Dad, we all understand that you wish you never married Mom or had any of us-but what did it solve to burn down the church where you got married? All those innocents, they didn't deserve to die-why Dad, why!?"--DR. SCHMUCK
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Bil wondered, "Why couldn't a dog named Cujo stop by? Why couldn't several dogs named Cujo stop by?"--phonsux
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Bil knew that he'd never get away with it, but if he had to listen to Billy whine "Are we there yet?" one more time, they would all receive the cleansing fire of high octane hell....--Raven
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Dad, if I told you we panicked and ate Jeffy, would you promise not to do a cartoon about it?--orrin bloquy
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"Darjeeling? But we all wanted orange pekoe!"--Jim Ellwanger
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Dad, it's not that we don't appreciate your walking back to town and buying a gas can. We were just sorta hoping it might have occurred to you to fill it up.--Paul Roub
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Bil, what were you thinking?! The physical pain of Barfy taking me from behind is nothing compared to the emotional trauma I'm gonna suffer from all the DFC-ers having a field day with it!--Steevie
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Hurry it up, Dad! That cross is going attract a lot of attention in a minute or two...--shane
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AIIIIYYEEEEE! Tip O'Neil!--anon
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"Dad, it's pointless asking. This is the road to Hell."--Daniel Lanker
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"You and your damn philosophy of never wasting anything. Just because you ran over a squirrel doesn't mean that you have to jump outta the car and cook the carcass-I mean, WHAT FOR? The other animals don't even care if their food is well done & seasoned properly. What the fuck is the matter with you? What?"--DR. SCHMUCK
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You made sure grandma was dead, right? You buried her deep, right? You burned her clothes, right? You made sure to say the entire dark mass, right?--anon
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Come on! Faster! How are you gonna win the "Pervert and Tea Kettle" walking race if you don't practice?--Tazabby
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For several days after, Bil just couldn't figure out where the large burn mark on his left thigh came from.--Tazabby
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Hurry up! Dolly has to use the pot next!--riverside
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That's just great, pop; you remembered the gas, but where's my fucking latte!?--Eric D. Ellis
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You left your wallet in the car, Dad! How'd you get those scruffy-looking men at the gas station back there to give you gas?--Neccowafer
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I bet if you pour that on Barfy, he'll disconnect himself from my ass!--Neccowafer
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You'll get there much faster if you don't walk backwards!--Mighty Owl
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Dad, we needed GAS! We don't care if the ass-inflater was on sale!--Preacher/Judge
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Well, that was a long seven hours! Man, if Mommy hadn't called for pizza on her cellphone, we'd have star...oops...--Rotter
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Hey, save a quart of that stuff for me, will you? I told Jeffy I'd set him on fire if he sang "Found A Peanut" one more time, and I'm a man of my word.--Rotter
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Man oh man, unless you've got four cold Yoo-Hoos hidden behind your back, you're gonna feel real dumb walking all the way back into town!--Rotter
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Dad, you have to be the least enthusiastic arsonist I've ever seen!--Crackers
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