DFC #177 |
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Image © 1998 Bil Keane, Inc. Distributed by Cowles Synd., Inc. |
Hey! Whoever sent the letter bomb, you'll need more postage!--Doc Evil
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Crowd surfing at a Raffi concert? What will they think of next?--Thomas Wilde
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C'mon guys, this AIN'T rocket science. What part of "no blow job, no pay check" don't you understand?--anon
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. . . and whenever they got too rowdy, Postman Pete would calm the children down with his stirring rendition of Don't Cry For Me, Argentina.--The Hanged Man
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Easy...easy...no sudden movements...don't let them see you're reaching for the pepper spray...they can smell fear... --Greg J
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The worst thing about this, thought Lewis with his last dying breath, is that a bunch of semi-concious college students are going to see how many pedophile jokes they can make about this scene. --Greg J
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Okay, new recruits--you can thank Dear Abby for this: it's all addressed to "Any Service Member." I think I'll just drop it on the ground and let you maggots squabble over it.--Sarge
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OK, anybody else here want to send a letter to God? And remember, God likes it when you send him your lunch money.--This is a job for Tess & Monica
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Ok, now who wants to start the bidding for this ten-ounce package of coke? Do I hear two hundred dollars?...--Tazabby
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"The Son of Sam Meets Lord of the Flies."-7 PM on the WB.--The Smoking Mirror
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Musical scene from "Ron: The World's Most Fertile Mailman."--Jizmo the Wonder Horse
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"Mr Chao? (Sigh). Mr CHEN Chao? (Sigh). DAMN I hate working in Beijing!"--halaq
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Now kids, only one of you gets to pull the "special" package from Mr. Mailman's zipper. --anon
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Great! First sheep cloning, now this!--phonsux
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Well, first of all, you're all gonna need a good deal of US postage on your forheads, If I'm gonna take you all away from here.--Truant
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Man, I'll take Marmaduke humping my leg anyday.--anon
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Sorry kids, all I've got are letters from your sponser parents, Sally Struthers got to the food before we could deliver it...--The Almighty Afro
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"Oh my GOD, it's quicksand!!! I thought they were just severed heads!"--Doughty
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"Brains... BRAINS!"--hippie
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Good news! Kathie Lee gave you all bonuses this month!--Jizmo the Wonder Horse
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Get back you little bastards! The settlement checks from Michael Jackson don't come til tomorrow!--Schickelgruber
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A steamroller! A steamroller! My mailbag for a steamroller!--Shakespearegruber
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A postal worker trying to get through the Million Melon March--Charlie Steinhice
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The corn wants WHAT? What the hell are you talking about?--Charlie Steinhice
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What is this, northern Idaho or Forsyth County or something? Man, I've seen more diversity at a Texaco board meeting!--Charlie Steinhice
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C'mon, JUMP for it, you little freaks! --War Gerbil
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Next week on the X-files: The bizarre death of a federal employee lead Mulder and Scully on a quest to find the truth about the town of time traveling zombie war children.--keldog
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He thought he noticed a few new heads, again, as he waded his way to the Dahmer's doorstep. "That tears it," he determined. "Either he shovels this walk or first thing Monday I'm telling my supervisor!"--Rotter
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WARNING: This package of DFC Kidz sold by weight, not by volume. Contents may have settled in circle during shipment.--Rotter
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"Rain, snow, sleet, dark of night.....nope, nothing in my contract about cannibal pygmies. I'm changing routes."--Nightfall
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Later, under questioning by police, the children would only stare slackly and drool, mumbling that "Sam" made them gnaw off the mailman's legs...--The Mean Person
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The original shot contained only a few children, but with help of Industrial Light and Magic, more children were added digitally for the "special edition" re-release --Destroy all Astromen
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No, you idiots this is all Calvin's fan mail! You gotta be funny to get this stuff.--DieBilDie
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As the hoards of true believers and witnesses to his miracles crowded around him, Rupert, patron saint of efficient postal delivery, was assumed bodily into Heaven.--The 4-Star Pope
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Take another step and I'll kill your Coco-Puffs Rebates.--helen keller
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BACK, I said! You wouldn't want me to get DISGRUNTLED, now would you?--Jessica Steinhice
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"I hate delivering plastic surgery coupons in the Bil Keane universe!"--sewer urchin
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A scene from Alfred Hitchcock's early and very disturbing film, The Kids. Later he remade it into its better-known form, replacing the melonheaded midget stars with birds.--DeRaptor
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Mail call for Camp Ditch The Little Bastards in a Vast Trackless Waste--Trotsky
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Jeez, what is this, a game of Spot the Peanuts Characters?--Preacher/Judge
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Back off, you little bastards! Mr. Jackson told me if he caught me smuggling any more of you out of here, he'd sic that damn chimp on me! --HypoLuxa
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I know I'm super late, and I've missed a few decades, but I'm here to deliver the 90's!--Truant
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The Branch Dysfunctional compound was so radically anti-Govenment that the Mailman would be brought before the High Priest Billy, who would invariably bite the Mailman's balls off.--The Troll
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Nature facts: A hungry school of round-headed piranha children can strip the meat off a mailman in ten seconds!--Larry Hastings
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Back, you little freaks! The cops and the dogs got ALL the drugs headed for the Keane house! ALL the drugs! Now back off!--Vice Pope Doug
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Meanwhile, back in the old country, the Keane clan eagerly awaits correspondence from their kinsmen in America--sicily
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Bil Keane's attempt to hold a steady job ends in failure, as a LSD flashback kicks in, and he imagines his four children multiply to four thousand . . .--anon
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Man! Who ever heard of a mosh pit at Chuck E Cheese?!--Azazael
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"Then the supervisor put up his hands like this and begged for his life, but Mr. Larson just laughed and blew him away. After that, he killed the other supervisors and then he killed himself. That's why he won't be your mailman any more."--Ghost Grandpa
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One moment of terrible clarity-- It's the same three kids over and over with different clothes! --and then it was gone... but Mr. Handley was never the same again.--Ravecavy
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Waldo has found himself in Munchkinland, where everyone's less than two feet tall. Can you find him?--Ravecavy
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All he wanted was to deliver the mail. What he got was his own religion.--Thomas Wilde
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Geez for the last time...the "HighLight" swim suit edition is next month!!!--Richie Bagood
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