DFC #152 |
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Image © 1998 Bil Keane, Inc. Distributed by Cowles Synd., Inc. |
Thel has a flashback to her '70's power-rock days and begins chanting "Freebird" to a band that now only exists in her drug-addled mind.--hoo doggie
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The kids really responded well to the "Sober, Dressed, and Hardworking Thel" Doll that Bil created for them.--myke
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After decades of raising four children who will never grow up, Thel finally achieves holy sainthood. She reluctantly ascends to Heaven still clutching her favorite bucket and towel, which become part of her standard iconography.--Ms. Tree
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Oh Christ, it's "Sky rockets in flight" again. Would you please sign these adoption papers!--Schickelgruber
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O.K. Line up at the trough, I've only got one bucket of slop and I don't want you wasting it.--Toad in the Hole
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Okay, I guess you're all old enough to know who your real fathers are...Dolly: Regis Philbin. Jeffy: William Shatner. P.J.: Drew Carey. Billy: The guy who sold me that vacuum cleaner...--Doc Evil
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"The Ascension of Thel," El Greco, 1689--DrBear
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As the crowd began to mob her, Thel began her final encore of the night...her trademark haunting rendition of "Stairway to Heaven"--Jim Smith
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PJ alertly stuck his finger in the puncture hole, saving Bill's inflatable Thelma--Mad Mike
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Heroin! Take me Away!--Rev. Jason N Whitmore
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You're all just going to have to wait until I take care of the PAYING customers.--bastard
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Billy, put the helmet on, your dad's been drinking again. PJ, not in front of the other kids. Jeffy, I said light on the vermouth! Dolly, don't worry what emancipation means, just sign it!--Ory
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Mommy! Mommy! I need help with...Oh, Christ, this is great. My homework's due in an hour and SHE's channeling the spirit of disco again. --The 4-Star Pope
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As the midget knights began their attack, Thel summoned all her superhuman mental powers, planning to blow her enemies away with one crushing telepathic blast that would take every bit of strength she had in a last-ditch attempt to finish cleaning the kitchen tiles in peace.--Spenser Sally
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Look, let's just settle this logically. Jeffy, I think PJ has something you'd like to drink. And Billy--wouldn't posing for Dolly's erotic art class be a lot more fun than football practice?--Jim Smith
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Okay, Take 14! Thel ... Posture! Dolly, look more yearning! Jeffy, hand outta the crotch! PJ, no pooping ... and Billy, stop staring at your Mother's tits! C'mon people, this one's gotta be a wrap!--Vice Pope Doug
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Noone here gets to play with Mr. Abort-o-fetus until you all put up your toys.--g0at
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"And next up on QVC, from the Franklin Mint's "Despised Comic Strips" collection, we have this lovely statue of the matriarch of the Keane clan, Thelma, surrounded by her melon-headed accidents of birth. Isn't it beautiful? This statue, suitable for dashboards or end tables, will start at two dollars. Only two dollars, to own a piece of comics' darkest hour..."--Thomas Wilde
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Whoa!Spider-sense tingling...--Doc Evil
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"Number one: Thou shalt have no other moms before me..."--Aquadale Bitty
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Next on the auction block is a ride to football practice. Shall we open the bidding at $25.00?--Anastasia
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Sorry Mommy, but you can't proclaim yourself "Queen of the House". That title already belongs to Uncle Roy--Anastasia
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Eenie, meanie, minie, moe. This little kid has got to go.--PsychoBear
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Oh great Goddess of Housework, I make you this vow... if the house isn't clean when I open my eyes, I'm gonna sacrifice my children to you!--anon
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Okay everybody, now lift your LEFT arm... Billy, if you don't keep up with the rest of us, you'll NEVER work off that excess head fat.--Sicily
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No chores, no drugs. End of story. Now get moving!--Vice Pope Doug
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"As God is my witness, I shall never be fertile again!"--Ravecavy
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Give me your dwarven, your misshapen, your melon-headed masses yearning to be free!--Riff
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Slop time! Line up for your gruel!--Jojo the Spiv
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The children looked on as Thel gained personal knowledge of the megalomania that can result from methamphetamine overuse.--Vice Pope Doug
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Once I have examined your offerings, one of you will earn the right to defile yourself with my soiled underthings.--Paul Roub
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Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses... No, come to think of it, I got plenty of wretched refuse right here.--Charlie Steinhice
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Crayons? Drinks? A vacuum cleaner, for Chrissakes? Look, you want some, you gotta pay cash like everyone else.--Gen. Sedgwick
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Jeffy's correct Ma. It's right here in the contract, "No character may claim transendental enlightenment without first submitting to the drug screening."--anon
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It was a dreary Thursday afternoon that Thel, driven insane by the constant nagging of her children, commanded God to pull her finger.--Preacher/Judge
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Okay...Dolly: two plus two is four. Billy: it's called a vacuum cleaner. Jeffy: get your milk from the refrigerator like everybody else. And PJ: you're padding's on the wrong side. --Preacher/Judge
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No one gets the family's second nostril until this house is clean!--Thel the Lesbian
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Someone go get daddy, mommy thinks she's Joan of Arc again!--Neil Diamond
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Not now, kids. Can't you see your mother is radioactive?--cuddles
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We'll put away our toys! We'll get you a beer! We'll do your taxes! Just please, please, PLEASE stop singing ABBA songs, for God's sake!--Greg J
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