DFC #68 |
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Image © 1998 Bil Keane, Inc. Distributed by Cowles Synd., Inc. |
Got it while gramps was sleeping -- Should net about $30. Got $50 for his teeth last week--anon
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...so after I got the coffin open and had the watch, I noticed I had ripped his entire wrist off with it. I've gotten most of the flesh cleaned off, but there is still a little gunk in the cracks...--issachar
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Hey, look at what I just pulled out of the pipe on the back of my head!--SpinnWebe (another previous favorite)
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So you see, Dolly, each minute here on Earth is like 100 years in Hell for Grandpa.--Bob Schmalfeldt
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Geez...it took almost two hours for Grandpa to stop frantically scratching from behind the wall. I guess I win the bet about how much air there was in there!--RBByrnes
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Gramma said she'd give me this if I'd stop making cracks about her hair.--The Outsider
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They say time flies when you're having fun. What does it mean when it stops cold?--DMW
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Don't look now, but that dumb, perverted old fart put the light on behind his two-way mirror again. Shall we do something shocking?--Dofang
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"Okay...I found this watch, and some cash...and there's a room down the hall full of `Sea Hunt' memorabilia -- that might be worth something. But there's not much...just lotsa pictures of him and Jeff and Beau...who'd've figured Lloyd Bridges would have such a boring house?"--zede
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"O.K., we got the watch. Now you grab grampa's picture and we'll have two of the items on Dad's scavenger-hunt list. Now all we need is a dime bag, a fifth of crack, and a stroke mag. and we'll win!"--The Aggie
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I'm setting it to go off three hours after we leave. Then there'll be two pictures on the memorial mantlepiece!"--The Sandman
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"...and when I stuck the .357 in the sucker's ribs, that's when he pissed his pants. Man, I almost shit a brick! Anyway, that's when I said, 'The Rolex, too, motherfucker...'"--MASK
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Time me. Five bucks says I can have Gramma crying so hard from grief 'bout Grampa that she retches within three minutes -- tops.--Vice Pope Doug
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"... up his ass for all those years... and then he gave it to me."--anon
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That damn Uri Geller. I watched him on TV, and his psychic power bent the watch instead of fixing it. And it's a Rolex! DAMN HIM!--anon
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Oh, Good Lord...yup, it's the exact date and time of his death and sure enough, Gramma's putting on her annual puppet show of Grampa's stroke...--anon.
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In a few minutes, the concrete should be hard enough. Now we just have to find a way of getting PJ to the lake.--DMW
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THis watch belonged to gramps, but the inscription on the back says Rudolph Hess.--zazu
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Twenty seconds closer to your death ... ten more seconds closer ... there - another hour closer to your death, Dolly. Better start enjoying your ephemeral existence while you can.--Kittycat
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I'm not sure why the sound of Grandpa's ticking watch freaks Grandma out so badly, although last night, as I was reading "The Telltale Heart", I developed a theory....--Paul Roub
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I dunno, Dolly. The watch Mom hustled Lady Bird out of is nice and all, but I really think this obsession with LBJ is getting pathological.--Craig
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Nah, the market for "Timex" bottomed out years ago. But if you get his gold teeth, I can move them in Denmark next week.--Capt. phealy
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A Timex! A FUCKIN' Timex! --Rishmawy
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There wasn't too much left when we dug up the old boy... I snagged the watch, PJ took the gold tooth, and Barfy ran off with his femur.--ferret
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"When they said Ronald Reagan had Alzheimer's, they weren't kidding! He gave me this watch and said, 'Now, Bonzo, I want you to take this to Jane Wyman for me!'"--Dr. Demento
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Of course it's real! See, right here on the dial it says, R-O-L-E-C-T-S. It's yours for ten bucks cash.--The Lawyer
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OK, the bedsprings stopped squeaking at... geez! Twenty seconds! No wonder mom's fooling around with the mailman!--Kurt L.
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Yes Alia, I will place thousands of these tiny sand trout against my skin. They will merge with my human body turning me into a giant mutant sand worm. Then I, Leto, will become God Emporer of Dune and control spice distribution for the entire galaxy!--paTRICK heSTER
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In just 11 more minutes that old fart will have been dead a whole year! If no one has found out that we offed him by now, I think we're in the clear.--Meem
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I was able to swipe this off his wrist when the old coot was in his casket.--Chris
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When he died, he wrote in his will that the skin of his penis should be made into this watchband. And he wanted you to have it!--Riff
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"And when Mom asks who pawned Grandpa's watch, you say 'Ida Know' and I'll say 'Not Me.' She thinks its adorable and chances are she'll let us keep the swag.--Rockit but don't roonit
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