DFC #26 |
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Image © 1998 Bil Keane, Inc. Distributed by Cowles Synd., Inc. |
Gee, grandma. You sure used to have a lot of children. Who would've thought they'd all suffer from sudden infant death syndrome?--Slapnad
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Wow, grandma. In these old photos, you look kind of like Betty Rubble. Nowadays, you just look like a fat, wrinkled piece of shit.--Sponge Monkey
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How come all daddy's pictures of you have red scribbles and the eyeballs cut out?--Ninja'a'a
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Mirror, Mirror on the wall, show me all of Keane's drawings that weren't funny at all!--anon
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Mom, you really let yourself go. You look so much better in that picture up there.--Rev. Trashy.
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Ya know, these Magic Eye people really aren't trying as hard as they used to--Alex McClung
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Why does Billy keep drawing pictures of Daddy chasing him with his pants down Grandma?--Binky
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UNGH! The childlike drawings... bringing back flood of memories of abuse... THE VOICES! STOP THE VOICES! ALL OF YOU JUST SHUT UP!!!--Dan
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Hey! What happened to my pitcher of Kitty-Cat ripping the wings off our parakeet?--Kurt L.
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It's a good thing that we screen Daddy's pictures before he mails them to his publisher.--the brian
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The inkblot on the top looks like... dad, sodomizing Jeffy again. Come to think of it, they all do. --Mr. Groovy
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Now I understand why you have final approval over Dad's cartoon submissions.--Kyosuke
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"Good Lord, you mean you actually KEEP this crap?"--Stephen Lee
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From these, I'd guess the stalker is a white male ... unemployed ... age 7 or 8 ... with stunted limbs and a distorted, melon-shaped cranium. --Trism
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"Man, crappy drawing runs in the family."--Jeffy
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"You should look closer at Billy's drawings before you hang them up. Mommy and Daddy send him to a pskyatrist now."--jeffy
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"I drew that kitty by holding a crayon in my bottom."--jeffy
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Yeah, you're right--if it's not in a circle, it's shit.--the Shagman
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"I'm not looking at you 'till you lose that weight you've gained, Mom."--Tim Harrod
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"$20,000 by 2 PM or we send you his right hand," "$50,000 by 5 or we send you the ears," "$100,000 by midnight or his legs arrive in a trombone case"...see? If we just keep stalling, we'll eventually have all of Billy back without paying a cent!--Andy Ihnatko
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OK, I guess I'll take a "Daddy At Werk," four coloring-book pages for the geezers, six assorted "I Lov You"s...oh, crap, Mother's Day's coming. OK, throw in a "Werld's Gratest Mommy," too. Do you take Amex?--Andy Ihnatko
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"I call this one Unloved As A Child. It shows my--I mean, the--plaintive cries of, uh, an ignored, unwanted daughter."--Larry Hastings
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Okay, we'll move "Friends" to Sunday nights, opposite the Simpsons, and axe "The Single Guy." Now there's room for a two hour "ER" block...--Daniel Krause
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I know you're there, Grandma. Yank my ponytail one more time and I'm flushing your dentures down the toilet.--anon
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*SIGH* if I had this worthless shit hangin' in a SoHo gallery, I could make a fortune.--zazu
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Strange how all of Jeffy's puerile scribblings depict at least one homicidal act against a member of this family. --zazu
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It's so hard to capture angst and torture with finger paints.--zazu
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Maelstrom of confusion? Naw, it just plain sucks.--zazu
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Dammit Grandma, I can hear what you're doing back there, and I already said no. You might as well just start doing those buttons back up, 'cause it ain't gonna happen!--Blake
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Your artwork is certainly improving, Grandma... this one of Daddy is magnificent, though you were a bit generous in the trouser snake department.--ferret
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It's no good. I've been staring at these pictures of the crime scene for 30 minutes, and I'm getting nowhere. Let's go over the forensics again.--Craig
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No, Officer! None of these look like him! Hire a real sketch artist instead of Billy, for God's sake!--Roy Johnson
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Look, without any text to contextualize it, it's just kitsch. If you put it up just like this it'll go straight into Mirsky's.--Horselover Fat
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God, I remember this one, it was my first acid trip. I thought my magenta crayon was giving me messages from Arcturus.--Horselover Fat
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Mommy, why does Billy keep drawing me with blood gushing down my chest?--Freddy Krueger
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Hey, I've got a copyright on this one! And this one! Boy, are you in a shit-load of trouble!--anon
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You know, now that you put the artwork side-by-side, I gotta believe you. How long do you think Billy's been drawing Cathy, anyway?--Andy Ihnatko
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Dolly looked in horror, as her dazed mind realized that even though her ten separate personalities all had their own distinct drawing styles, all were just as wretched with a pen and paper as her own father.--Pete B.
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Wow! The Feds really HAVE cut the budget! Just LOOK at these wanted posters!--anon
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This sucks eggs, Grandma! Can I watch MTV yet?--anon
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No, no more dick jokes. How about if we do a caption about Bil's perspective problem; they always seem to make it on.--Greg J
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Hey look! Billy's stick man has three legs!--anon
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Well, I can take credit for some of them, but Jeffy drew the chesty babes on the hood of the pickup truck.--zapper
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Good thing Jeffy's practicing...Daddy is on a bender again.--anon
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"Willie, the one-eyed snake"? Throw this caption in the stupid pile!--Greg J
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Alright, here are the plans. Grandma, you distract the guard from the North Entrance. I'll crawl in the air duct, and Billy will drive the getaway tricycle...--Cosmo
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Ya know, I finally figured out why you laugh every time Billy puts, "I Love Ewe!" on the bottom of his pictures.--Daphnis & Cloe
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