DFC #494 |
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Image © 1998 Bil Keane, Inc. Distributed by Cowles Synd., Inc. |
"Mom, this bald guy's claimin' 'ternity rights to PJ! Please tell me I wasn't Dad's either! Pleeeeaaaaasssee!"--Riff
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"Mommy! Daddy's trying to sell me for heroin, again!"--anon
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"Dude's so blunted he's sayin' I got no figure. Lay down some science on the fool, Thel."-- Crazy Climber
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"How could he? I've spent weeks setting up this deal, and Bil blew it all before we even got to the dinner table!"--Schol-R-LEA
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"I couldn't help myself! Just look at the shape of his noggin!"--JJ
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"But mom, he's smoking tobacco!"--Heath
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"Dammit, I told you I don't do that cigar trick for strangers anymore!"--Torc.
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Jesus! No wonder Morey Amsterdam always picked on this dillweed!--HasNoName
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No, Dysfunctional Random Stranger just doesn't inspire me. Send him home.--Hugh Jass
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They want me to do a table dance.--Les Miserables
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"OK, there's people more hideous than us, but dammit Mom, now I'm gonna have nightmares for a month."--Torc.
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Maaaaa! Earl Wilson's tokin' all the reefer again! Make 'im stop!!--Mr. Ben McClellan
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"What kind of moron gets the knob-slobberin' of his life and asks for change back from a twenty?"--semillama
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MOM, do I hafta marry him? God I hate being a fucking mormon!--lucynations
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"You invited the Shriners over again?!?"--Torc.
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Poor Billy. I hope more people come to MY wake.--Lucifer Antichrist
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But what if I need my second kidney?--Bad Girl
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Dammit! When dad promised to take me to "Mt. Baldy".....--K-Man and Bad Girl
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"Look what that bastard did to my legs. Next time, Bil can pay off his own gambling debts."--Helder
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"He's already smoking, and I didn't even get his pants off yet. Where'd you find this loser?"--Helder
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Young Cathy.--Bad Girl
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"I didn't object to the Dollar-Store school supplies. The 'Fonzie' bookbag from Big Lots. I even let you buy me Keds! But I am not taking that to the Kindergarten Prom!"--Heath
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"Holy shit. I thought 'dickhead' was just an expression."--Helder
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"The puzzles were fun, and the inkblots were okay, but now he's asking me questions and I'm startin' to remember stuff."--Galahad
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"How the hell am I supposed to be a friggin' geisha girl if I can't perform a decent tea ceremony?"--RipperJak
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"Ugh, jeez, he hugged me! Where do you keep the ammonia and the beltsander?"--Torc.
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"But Skinner's my principal, not Weatherbee!"--Heath
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