DFC #409 |
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Image © 1998 Bil Keane, Inc. Distributed by Cowles Synd., Inc. |
Thel stared forlornly at the handle on the kitchen's new glass door. If she could only conquer her fifties technophobia she could enter the living room...--Eisenhower
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I've been on "Cops" twice.---- Bad Girl
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Seriously. Women love lard, scuba gear and rubber dog toys. You follow my advice and you'll be the neighbourhood mack-daddy for sure!--Dan Jones
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Why the pillow? 'Cause we can't all sit on big, fat, squishy asses like you do. Hey, isn't there a donut somewhere that you should be eating?--me, myself, I
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'Cause if I don't, the end of the vibrator buzzes against the floor an' I can't hear the TV. Stupid.--Auntie Em
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"Yeah, it's sore from the paddling...but GOD was it worth it!"--Dvandom
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"I don't mind the 1950s vintage TV, but these 1950s vintage maxipads just don't cut it."--Dvandom
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"That's nothing. Wait 'til you see where I've hid the remote."--The Dog
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"I think I'm coming down, Mom - I just realised how much MTV sucks."--happy noodle boy
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Well of course it hurt...But it was a good kind of hurt, you know?--Opie
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Mommy says if the repo-men come back for the rest of the furniture, we can tape dynamite to your chest and throw you at them. Enjoy the rest of the show, shortfuse. --Zhao
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Guess what I've got pierced?--Famlabia Circus
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Has anyone ever told you you have beautiful eyes?--Mrs. Dolbinson
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Was your pillow... I've marked it with my scent now.--CrumbCake
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Whenever Dolly watched Xena: Warrior Princess, a protective Keane drew her arms too short to touch herself.--Gen. Sedgwick
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I may have inherited Grampa's 'rhoids, but you've inherited Gramma's sagging breasts.--Mr. Kontoontwon
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Daddy says you don't get a pillow cos you weren't just 'fibulated. -- From DFC Captions That Make The Well-Educated Reader Go "Oh, ICK!"--zen
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What am I sitting on? Oh, Ida Know...--Lost in Erehwon (Salvaging Captions)
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"... and while the furniture was getting sucked into another dimension, the voice in the TV just kept saying 'Carol Anne, we're here.' Well, by then I was totally pissed off, so I said, 'You dumb fucks, Carol Anne lives two doors down.'"--Helder
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"Barney would beat Big Bird to a pulp. OK, how about all of the Teletubbies versus Wishbone?"--Monkey Punch
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Oh, you know, hemorrhoids, anal tearing, tattoo scars, a new clit ring, cigar burns, bite marks, and a yeast infection. What did you do with your allowance?--Argyle
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My bottom hurts too Jeffy, but daddy said I get the pillow 'cause I make the best pig noises.--Clem Bobbins
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You have testicles, you see. That means you can't understand the subtle yet humorous pain that is "Ally McBeal".--Nethicus *oops*
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Thel was worried. Christian Science or not, Dolly really needed that thing lanced.--phil
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Uncle Roy pays me a quarter to sit on his pillow. He says it helps him have good dreams.--lefty
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"She's been carrying that bowl of soup around for three hours. Twenty bucks says she goes three more before she notices that tables are all missing."--Westur the Unspeakable
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"Well, duh. If we can't have class differences, how will people know I'm better than you?"--Westur the Unspeakable
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"Panties are chump change. This'll sell for $550 in a Tokyo vending machine."--Lloyd Dobler
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"Nope, it's benign...how 'bout yours?"--Frederick Ohm
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"Me gustas del Soylent Verde!" "Trippo mi tuercasaco en un frenesi del juego del dick!" In Mexico, nothing's Impossible! Watch El Rojo Zone on Univision!--Heath [thanks to Altavista!]
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"I understand they're planning on selling you next."--Westur the Unspeakable
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"Because my ass has powers, that's why."--M
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"Your sense of smell is fine, but you're watching a microwave, dickhead."--Randall
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The kids don't know yet, thought Thel. The virus that had taken away Bil, their brothers, and the couch, she could only wonder whom it would strike next. --Ken
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"Wait! What's that sound? Is it the magic fairies, come to carry me off to Neverland, where I'll be a beautiful girl again, full of hope and love? Oh. It's just Dolly and Jeffy. Fuck.--Pete
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"As long as I'm sittin' here, she doesn't dare come out. An' pretty soon Bil's gonna be screaming for that plate of beans and can of beer. I figure the bitch will have a meltdown quite soon."--Stan Run Run Xhiao
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"Just try it sometime. I've been getting the royal treatment for a week and I don't even have any incriminating photos."--Westur the Unspeakable
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"I wouldn't do that. There'll be hell to pay if you're not here when Godot is."--M
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Other than Thel's Walter Cronkite fetish, the only thing stranger than Dolly's Tom Brokaw fetish was Jeffy's Dan Rather fetish.--Westur the Unspeakable
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"Mom said, 'I don't care how small it is, you're still my hubby-wubby and I love you.' Then Dad said, 'Thel, you're the greatest. I'd marry you all over again.' Then Roy said, 'Jesus, Bil, you're loose as a Malay hooker!'"--Heath
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"All I said was 'Daddy, where did you got to art school ?' and, the next thing I knew, my ass was red as a beet."--Rodney
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