DFC #272 |
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Image © 1998 Bil Keane, Inc. Distributed by Cowles Synd., Inc. |
Ms. Johnson's OK, I guess, but her bird-eating trick is really getting to me.--Jim
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"How long do you think that strychnine in her inhaler would take effect?"--Damo Suzuki
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"I know it's only straight to video, but being an extra in RED DAWN II is exhilarating nonetheless."--A. Earles
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Ever notice she has to goose her right breast to hit B Flat?--Nethicus
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Your'e Mom's cooking Stove Top stuffing? My Mom is cooking Top Ramen -n- Spam and Slow baked psegettio's with beef franks mixed with Dinty Moore beef stew.--Ghostman
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Big fuckin' deal. My brother Jeffy can hawk a loogie that looks like a whole orchestra.--Dr. Zam (back after a long hiatus)
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"Get my gun out of my backpack. It's fuckin' killing time."--ST
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Geez, everyone knows using a 2600Hz tone to spoof the trunk line doesn't work anymore. Teacher's so lame. Probably doesn't even know how to beige-box.--phil
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Charlie Brown's teacher is substituting today. I can't understand a word she's saying!--Namgubed the Merry Elf
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I just noticed she has blocked the door with her desk...that could only mean one thing...John Tesh is next.--Waldo
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I still say that, in order to understand how to teach a class of melonheads, she should have to be a melonhead!--The Outsider
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It's not a dog whistle, and that's not why they call her Lassie anyway.--Gen. Sedgwick (hey, she kinda looks like Kim Cattrall...)
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I don't know what it is, but every time she blows that whistle, I start salivating!--Riff
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You think the whistle's bad? The teacher she replaced used to wear a hand puppet on one hand and talked about killing Kathie Lee Gifford!--Mr. Ben
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"Jeez! How many fucking times do we havta sing "Aqualung"? I get the point already!"--Tillman
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So, they don't allow prayer in schools, but it's OK for teacher to spend ninty minutes a day doing gang'sta rap?--Westur the Unspeakable
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When they get to verse about "...land of the pilgrim's pride", scream Allah Akbar three times and set off the bomb under your sweater. Allah be with you.--Action Jackson
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It's so sad when their minds start to go.--Westur the Unspeakable
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I thought we would be doing, you know, grade school plays. Like A Boy Named Charlie Brown or The Ugliest Duckling. I never thought we would be doing Old Calcutta.--Bubba
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Look smart -- Captain's on the bridge.--Namgubed the Merry Elf
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It's nice that AA finally recognized that kids our age need help sometimes too.--Gen. Sedgwick
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..and then they found the body. Of course Daddy denied everything, but forensics confirmed there was a match with the fibers from his sweater. So how was your weekend?--anon
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"Pssst, Suzie, I'm not sure, but I think Ms. Hadley is blowing smoke up our asses...do you really believe that Bach wrote 'Fugue in D Minor for Kazoo?'"--The Unmasked Revenger
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I got the idea from watching Speed ...if she goes below Middle C, the kazoo blows up in her freaking face.--The Unmasked Revenger
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"Actually, I've heard better renditions of Mendelssohn's Concerto for Violin and Ochestra in E Minor before...I mean that last bar should have ben hit with more bravado, and the last four measures should have been pianissimo ... But, what can you expect from a person who plays the kazoo through her nose?"--The Unmasked Revenger
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Get ready to run when the guard dogs respond!--Joe Z
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I swear if she does "Hey Hey My My" one more time, I will personally shove that thing straight up her ass.--[chud]
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This feels like one of those anxiety dreams I always have about school, except I'm wearing clothes and there's no pagan orgy going on.--nonentity
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Is it just me, or do you feel like David Lee Roth in the "Hot for Teacher" video?--NME
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Why are my eyes so huge today? Jesus, I don't know... blame Bil and his huge stack of "Angel of Darkess" comics.--Opti
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No! Not yet! We all rush the black kid on the third whistle.--anon
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You drew the giraffe and the ice-cream cone, huh? Yeah, I drew the banana, the crucifix and the leather boot...--Opti
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It appears my Mom's dyke haircut is gaining popularity...--Doc Evil
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OK, on the count of three, we start singing Me So Horny at the top of our lungs.--Anastasia
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"Look, I don't care how deeply you and Jeffy are 'in love.' I'm just telling you to keep the hell off my bed."--Mycroft
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Yesterday we learned the alphabet, today we're learning Sumerian fertility symbols.--Rimbaud
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She's wearin' pants. That means she's goin' to Hell.--Mighty Owl
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Yeah, she plays a mean whistle. But she's no Zamfir. Zamfir... now that guy could shred, girl.--Mighty Owl
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Fuck. The thing only plays one note and she needs sheet music. Welcome to public education, baby.--Mighty Owl
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First day of school, and she bites the head off a live canary! Second grade rocks!--Rotter
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OK, fine, keep your lunch money, but I won't be responsible if those pictures show up in a Danish magazine....--Anonymous
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She was rejected by fifteen different record labels...so now she just travels around and sings to grade school kids."--The 13th Floor
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"No, I wasn't talking to you. My mouth always does this when my pony tail is too tight."--The 13th Floor
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Somehow I thought the lesbian studies class would have involved more than the instructor whistling "I am woman" while pantless.--Doofus
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"...and we're supposed to be impressed that Mrs. Morgan can sing 'Take me out to the ballgame' while simaltaneously downing a shot of vodka! No wonder we've spent three weeks just learning the letter A."--Willie won't go home
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These Camel plugs are shameless. --Analperm
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Family Circus. Humor only giraffe's can hear.--anon
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