DFC #213 |
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Image © 1998 Bil Keane, Inc. Distributed by Cowles Synd., Inc. |
That's it Mister Bitchy, back in the twat!--anon
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On 3rd and long, Thel makes the right call -- PUNT!--Sean Hart
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Stop crying! You know the punishment for calling Mommy's breasts "pendulous"!--Schickelgruber
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No, Really.... There's no MONSTER under your bed... just take a look for YOURSELF!!!--Orion the Hunter (I'm baaaacckk!!)
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Thel felt a twinge of regret as she tore Jeffy's arms out. But dammit, she needed his small bones to reconstruct her chin.--El Chupacabras
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An ordinary suburban housewife uses her own offspring for dowsing.. and finds water in a hole in the bedroom floor. Believe it..or NOT!--Mister Sinister (welcome back, Spinn...)
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"And every time she put in that blasted Barry White CD, Mom said she was Gonna Love Me Love Me Love Just A Little More" -- My Name Is Jeffrey by J. Keane--anon
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I'm sorry young man, but you've been warned! No pants, a black smudge underneath you, and various bodily fluids flying from your head! It's the Stupid Zone for you!--alanon
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Jeffy didn't take it well when they told him they were going to hand down Billy's lovely jacket to him.--Peon
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Paniced, and losing the fight, Jeffy Tyson lunged foward, biting his opponent's ear.--Magus
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"Hush little baby, don't you cry, or Mommy will poke out your other eye..."--the hunter
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You're NOT my real mommy! Her head was MUCH closer to her shoulders!--Troy
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HIKE!--Trevita
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Jeffy screamed as each digit snapped under the inhuman strength of Thel Batty. "For Pris...For Zora...," she hissed. "Proud of yourself for firing on an unarmed opponent, little man?" --Jester
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Christian science will only cure a spastic colon if you pray, my son. My responce to your request for Anusol is "Nay."--Andrella
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Earliest known record of Paul Atreides' Bene Gesserit training sessions.--ewhac
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...Don't argue with me, Jeffy, it's time for bed. Tell Satan to possess you tomorrow!--OM
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First the Moonies, then the Jehovah's Witnesses, and now the Dervishes! GOD, Jeffy, you're SO gullible!--Gen. Sedgwick
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Because Jeffy left his toys out, Thel was forced to dip him into the deep fat fryer, a traditional Keane family punishment.--Podbeing
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Snow White finally snaps.--Magus
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No it was your father's idea to wait this long to circumcise you. It saved $100 on the hospital bill too!--anon
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I'll kill him for saying that! I don't have mood swings!--Horselover Fat (going for the obvious)
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Flip! Damn you! Flip. How else do you think you'll ever be the next Dominique Mocianu?--J. Wally Thompson
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Strengthen your lower back the Thel Keene way!--Blue Gargantua
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After Thel took up the sport of Dwarf Tossing, the Keane kids' lifes were forever changed.--anon
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"Now, Jeffy, you know the rules -- at That Time Of The Month, it's your job to 'keep Daddy happy'."--Clay Colwell
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Relax kid. You've spouted eight projectile drips, four swooping lines and a drop shadow. A little dramatic, don't you think?--ChoppingBlock
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Jeffy's tantrum had reached the point where it was necessary to bring Cathy Guisewhite in to draw him.--Mutantdog
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"Oh, come on. You survived your lower arms being chopped off, and when we do the same to your legs we can market you in the Freak Show as 'Stumpy-boy, the Roving Foot Rest!'"--the hunter
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Rejected idea for a Nissan truck commercial: Action hero drives truck through a strange world of melon-headed lesbians and half nude children. The traditional Japanese geezer is replaced by Bil grinning drunkenly with a chihuahua wearing a tuxedo.--jedi mind trip
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Wait! They now have ways to PROVE shaken infant syndrome!--arnette
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Jeffy's protests and warnings go unheded as Thel's curiosity gets the better of her and she finds out just what his trip to Sweden was all about.--phonsux
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I'm sorry honey, we didn't know Grandma had died when we left you with her -- she's always been pretty quiet. It must have been a very long weekend for you! --Vice Pope Doug
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Once again, the gravity generators fail on Earth 2: The Mars Colony.--Dennis T. Cheung
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"Honey, believe me--" "No! Say it! Say IT! I'm ADOPTED! I'M ADOPTED! FOR GOD'S SAKE, SAY IT'S TRUE!"--phonsux
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'We knew Mom's drinking was out of control on the night she mistook Jeffy for P.J., wedged him into size two diapers, and then mistook his cries of torment for a desire to breast feed.' -- Dolly Keane, Circle of Fear--Hideo Spanner
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"For one brief instant Thel looked into my eyes, at the sheer terror and helplessness that lay there amidst my tears. I hoped with every fiber of my being that she would realize how frightened I was; how much I needed her to keep me safe. Then the frigid bitch followed through on her swing and heaved me out of my own bedroom window." --from "Can You Hear the Keane-ing of My Soul" by Jeffy Keane. --Rich Lather
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Sorry Jeffy, but if I swing a cat to measure the room, the ASPCA will be all over me.--Anastasia
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Jeffy, honey, I've already told you, if the growth hormones didn't work, we'd just have to stretch you manually. --a.holter
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Oh, stop whining. You know the rules. "You insult Mommy's haircut, you spend a night in The Hole." --Preacher/Judge
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Whine, whine, whine! Lots of boys wear lime green pants. Billy never complained that much when we bought him that new jacket in 211. --bobo
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This was the day that Jeffy was supposed to meet his real father...Mark Rosenfelder. To be honest, Mark was dreading this day MORE than Jeffy was!--Mr. Ben
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Picture if you will... A single moment in time, captured and forever held out of context. Levitation or child abuse? You have entered... The Difficult Zone.--ewhac
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Jeffy, stop it! Gallagher lost his watermelons and he needs something small to smash at the end of the show! Stop crying and get out there!--Mr. Ben
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It's the DFC Wrestling Federation!!! In a Bedroom of Death match, Cryin' Jeffy prepares to flip Mean Mommy Thel into a teddy bear wrapped in barbed wire! Oh, the carnage....--Mr. Ben loves his Rebecca
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Wake up Jeffy. Shemp is not trying to kill you with pruning shears.--Monkntreb
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