DFC #95 |
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Image © 1998 Bil Keane, Inc. Distributed by Cowles Synd., Inc. |
Would anyone care to tell me why grandma looks like a praying mantis instead of a human?--B-girl starring in The Lost Land of Sexlantis
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The mystery's over folks. In this photo you can clearly see Bill and Gran'ma in the same frame, proving that they are NOT the same person.--Toothpick vic Vega
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And God, please let Grandma get a little soon. Grandpop's been heaven forever.--Scoats
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Uh..uh..heh heh heh..are we're gonna, like, eat the turkey's butt.--Blaine C
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I wonder if I'm the only one here who sees the irony this? We aren't Christians. Dad says every day what a rotten pile of shit this country has become. We hate each other's guts. Yet, here we sit, perpetuating the myth of family unity and wholesomeness in the age of AIDS and drive-by shootings, just so we can stuff our faces and add another inch or two to our pudgy bodies. I think...Huh? No, I didn't say anything. Just talking to myself. Pass the jello salad.--Barko Lounge Cur
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...and don't forget Traakus, god of the hunt, who gave us this fine scrodbird; or Fah, god of joyous vengence, for laying the entrails of our enemies before us on this glorious feast of Botar! AMEN!--olin
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Are you POSITIVE you have the phone number for the poison control center ready?--Tazabby
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Now, is a parasitic creature from the depths of space gonna rip its way free of the ribcage of *this* one too, Dad?--The Incorrigible Welshman
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You know, I dont think even praying will make this crap taste any better--Mo Cowan
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God sure was generous this year. This is the biggest rat Daddy's ever caught!--His Imperial Majesty
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...and, Lord, please don't let me have inherited this rare family eye-disease which completely erases all signs of pupils.--Tazabby
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I refuse to partake in this ritual. Lucifer is my God.--Nicodemius
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"Saigon. Shit."--Paul T. Riddell
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...and God bless everyone. Except Daddy, who's fondling me with his feet again.--Phaze
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You were right, Dolly. Barely through the prayer and Gramma fills up her Depends.--Roy
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I pray that the only sauce we see Dad getting near this holiday is cranberry.--Don Spudleone
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Gee, after Dad's relapse back to Vietnam, I think we ALL should be thankful we weren't there...--Don Spudleone
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I hope everything doesn't taste like ink the way it did last year.--Yakko
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Geez, do you think there's enough of Barfy for everybody? I mean, we've been nibbling at him for a few panels already ...--RIFF
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This is as good a time as any, I guess. I've accepted an offer with Peanuts. This is my two week notice.--Vice Pope Doug
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Getting stoned as a family rules -- 'cept I'm too baked too move. Can someone feed me?--Vice Pope Doug
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Dad, next time you're praying, how about asking for the Gift of Continuity? This water glass wasn't here a second ago.--ferret
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..aaaaaand CUT!..Whew! God I hate these friggin' holiday shoots! Where's my assistant? Sheila! SHEILA!! Goddamn it get my agent on the phone...and fetch me a nicoise salad and an Evian, will ya! I'm starving over here..thanks Babe...oh and tell that fat pig Roseanne to stay out of my fuckin' parking space! --zazu
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I don't think Shoe will miss one character.--DMW
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So after the Pilgrims shared their Thanksgiving dinner with the Indians, is that when they gave them the smallpox infected blankets to take back to their village? Couldn't they have just poisoned the food and been done with it?--paTRICK heSTER
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Why am I suddenly reminded of the dinner scene in Eraserhead?--Anastasia
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O.K. Grandma, both hands on the table where I can see them!--Anastasia
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It suddenly dawned on a horrified Jeffy that he was the only one in the family that knew it was July and not Thanksgiving. But he relaxed when he thought about how it got him out of uniform and into halfway decent clothes. --Anastasia
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Grandma, how did you ever mold the Spam into the shape of a turkey?--Anastasia
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FOOD FIGHT!--Anastasia
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Oh..and uh lord, please bless all those little mangled fetuses that were so cruely ripped from their mothers wombs with incisors of death, piercing their brain stems without mercy as the puss oozes from their tiny heads! OK, I'm done, we can eat now.--kafka
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Uh, Dad? You forgot to draw silverware. How the fuck are we supposed to eat?--Anastasia
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Daddy, isn't grace 'posed to have more words than just "Amen"?--Scoats
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Daddy, why is your friend Roy kneelin' under the table and mumbling? I thought we were done prayin' !--Vice Pope Doug
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In his later years, Bil's bifocal vision was so bad it became visible in occasional panels. --The FC Chronicles--Ethelred
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Aw, damn! You mean I gotta eat in the Kiddie Panel again this year?--Rotter
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A Holiday Message from Bil Keane: Friends, this Thanksgiving, Just Say "No" to tense traditional forced group-denials of daily family angst and horror.--Rotter
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Jesus, Dad! Five minutes of Grace? We really wanna thank God for giving us a ten-pound potato instead of a turkey?!--Rotter
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*sigh* You don't have to tell me. "Don't touch the food, it's only rented for the shoot; We'll have ramen noodles when we get home tonight." Happy fucking Thanksgiving, everyone...--Rotter
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Thank you, Bil. And now, with a rebuttal, seated on my left, Ms. Violet Keane, a left-leaning moderate and senior lecturer at Tulane. Ms. Keane?--Rotter
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I don't see why I need to thank God for a meal by Thel. Last year the turkey was so pink that you could just smell the salmonella.--Meem
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"Remember last year, how Grandpa choked on the drumstick and dropped dead?"--Mr. Clean
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After finishing his appetizer, Jeffy is told what "Rocky Mountain Oysters" really are.--anon
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Daddy, if the DFC can follow us here, evan after you pray for our safety, is there anywhere we can be free from it?--The Outsider
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"Oh, and thank Beelzebub for smiting Grandpa before he could get his grubby mitts on my ass again."--Capt. phealy
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When I heard Mommy prayin' in your bedroom last night, she sounded WAY more sincere!--Vice Pope Doug
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Hey! I'm the one who sold enough coke to 'ford this damn meal! How 'bout thankin' ME??--Vice Pope Doug
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I like turkey. I wish Daddy would plow through open fields when he's wasted off his ass more often!--Vice Pope Doug
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Jeez, Dad, would ya zip yourself up already? Getting turned on saying Grace is a little weird, even for you.
--MechaGumby
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