DFC #396 |
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Image © 1998 Bil Keane, Inc. Distributed by Cowles Synd., Inc. |
"Sure, she'd rant and rave, but I knew better than to pay any heed. She was just jealous because I can lick my genitals." --Barfy Dog, I Am Not Keane--Heath
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"This incident seemed rather harmless at the time. Dolly always tried to sic Barfy on Pink and we thought nothing of it. Then, thirty years later when he was a world famous rock n' roll singer, Pink calls me from a hotel room in London, drunk off his ass and babbled about how Dolly and Barfy was 'the first brick in the wall.' I didn't know what to make of it until they found my little brother naked and hanging from a ceiling in a Motel 6 in Philly." Excerpt from Little Brother Lost: The Fall and Death of Pink J. Keane, by William & Jeff Keane, Melonball Press.--Mr. Ben McClellan
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Now spit out the rest of the family!--Mr. ?
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Evolve! Look, like this! Now, EVOLVE, damn you!--Nethicus
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In order to settle your dispute, I order you both to...drool to the death!--R.J.M.
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"No, no! You need to duel for my affections!"--Lloyd Dobler
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Any improv troupe worth its salt can do a standing/sitting/crawling routine, but few can at the same time pull off a drooling/shouting/aping scene.--Ken
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"Barfy and I really were ashamed of our conduct, but after sitting through the entire Baywatch marathon on USA, anything looked good."--Heath
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You two ate all the scenery again, didn't you?---drew
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"When he started biting people, I thought it was pretty cool. When he started lifting his leg to pee, I thought it was weird, but we'd learn to live with it. Now he's snacking in the cat box and throwing up on the rug. KNOCK OFF THE DOG LESSONS!"--snackwhore
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Little Jessica scolds Sandfang and Little Stilgar for wasting moisture. Tonight, on Arrakis Babies.--Magus
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Kill! Damn it I said KILL, not drool! Aw fuck, do I have to do everything around here myself?--Pablo
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By using the ultra-secret "drool code", Agent Fang and The Bald Spy were able to maintain communications, even in the presence of their captors.--Ken
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Dear Penthouse, I never believed any of the letters you printed until this really happened to me ...--Ken
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The dog-eared photo Bil Keane always keeps in his nightstand.--Coalcracker
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It's pretty scary when the "pull my finger" caption looks like the tasteful alternative.--Peon
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Freakin' slackers! Wear your drool cup, empty it into the drool bucket, from there into the drool cistern, to the drool sluice, and into the drool irrigation system. -From More Incredibly Obscure DFC Captions--zen
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"Okay, so maybe we shouldn't have made P.J. and Barfy eat shards of broken glass. But it was worth it to hear Dolly's adorable mispronounciation of 'internal hem'ragin'!" from "Thel Keane: Jailbird Ma Tells All," by Kitty Kelley.--Smokey
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Barfy realized that he wouldn't be able to eat the small, bald one in peace until he got rid of the noisy, red-headed one.--Ion1
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You're supposed to wait for the bell, you dumbasses!--Laughing Lurker
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"Of all the topics Dolly went ballistic over, the 'difference between drool and slobber' was our favorite. We'd spend hours making the veins on her neck bulge." --Barfy and PJ ("Practical Joker") Keane, We Wrote This Tell-All Book Since They Never Let Us Speak--Heath
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Bitch is always yappin' at us / sayin' that we fools / my homies just ain't down wit' dat / so we begin to drool / droolin' in the dark / droolin' in the light / droolin' as we tool the bitch / each and every night -- from the self-produced CD "The Rap Keeps the Cash Wher It Is" by L. Cool P.J., feat. Notorious D.O.G.--Vice Pope Doug (I couldn't sleep and this is what I think of?!
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Costume! I want some waders now!--Peon
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El Nina moves in to take control on Pacific weather patterns, sending off the dripping wet weather of El Nino and his lesser known companion El Perro.--Amzing AlKirk
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"So. If you weren't two-timing me with PJ, how come I smell Alpo on his breath?"--Stealth
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The Keane Family production of Deliverance was a major flop in spite of this show-stopping rendition of "Drooling Banshees".--Ken
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What you might find attatched to your e-mail if you enter the wrong AOL Chat room... Survey Says!--Monkey Punch
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No, no, no. You drool when I ring the bell; he drools when I wear the miniskirt!--NME--
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"Well I say that PJ does the best impression of Grandma!"--Hang Lose
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Ah-ah-ah! I didn't say Simon says drool 'till you're dehydrated!--Gen. Sedgwick
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"Look, you two, becoming bulimic is pointless if you are just going to lick up your own vomit!"--Ellie D.
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Bad Dog! You missed the jugular!--Mr. ?
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"See that? From the nose and mouth! Now THAT'S drool, mister!!"--Randall
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"It's the cartoon law! You looked down, now fall! Fall! Dammit!"--Monkey Punch
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We've replaced Hitler, Rommel and Braun with Dolly, PJ and Barfy. Let's see if the Third Reich notices.--Monkey Punch
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This week on Li'l Supermasochist, Li'l Sharee Rose forces Li'l Bob Flanagan into acts of beastiality.--Monkey Punch
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"Five months of unemployment I can accept. The drinking I can put up with. The countless women, the gambling debts, the used needles in the dog house... But eating P.J.'s tongue--you've gone too far this time!"--Torc
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"All right, which one of you is screwing around with the direction of gravity? In this house, we obey the laws of physics, goddammit!"--Hudson
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"Neither of you are getting any semen on my dress, topical or no!"--DirtyBorg
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PJ and Barfy smarted at the harsh words, but they knew that only under Dolly's stern guidance would they have a chance to qualify for the Olympic Synchronized Slobbering finals.--me, myself, I
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No, no, no!!! It's pant-drool-mumble-grunt-wheeze, not pant-grunt-wheeze-mumble-drool! Fucking amateurs!--me, myself, I
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As Dolly lambastes Barfy for teaching P.J. bad habits, the youngest Keane discreetly sniffs her butt.--Klaus
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Weeks later, P.J., by this point completely feral, turned on Thel during a diaper-changing and, sadly, had to be put down.--Klaus
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In 1949, young cartoonist Bil Keane was asked to do a number of images as promotional material for charitable organizations. This one, intended to increase Christmas donations was not accepted; its odd design can be attributed to the fact that he thought the sponsoring organization was called the Salivation Army.--Ken (tipping the hat to Leukemia Boy)
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This is PJ on drugs. Any questions?--Riff
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Like drool from a slack jaw, these were the Daze of our Guys.--Stealth
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