DFC #111 |
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Image © 1998 Bil Keane, Inc. Distributed by Cowles Synd., Inc. |
Look Mommy, Uncle Roy's taking vitamins A, Z, and T!--Joe Blow
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Uh-oh. Boy, this laxative sure works fast!--Roy
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I always thought "getting high" on pills was just slang. Jesus! Where'd the fucking ground go?--anon
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Okay! Enough! I'm so fucked up, Mrs. Lincoln, that I couldn't shoot a parrot through a scarecrow!! I'm gonna be in fuckin' Betty Ford for YEARS!!! NEXT CARTOON already!!--Vice Pope Doug
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I knew you'd kick the shit outta me for getting into this stuff -- so I took it all. I mean, after all, it's pain medicine!--Vice Pope Doug
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Here y'go, Daddy. Why do you need my urine for your drug test, anyway?--Greg J
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Let's see..."Take twice a day with food until gaps in face fill up..."--Greg J
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Hey, have you guys ever actually read the ingredients to this Soylent Green shit?--Greg J
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...and then she went and did it with all of the dials and the gearshift in the car...no, seriously, the guy who sold it to me swore. What are you laughing about?--Greg J
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If I keep taking this synthetic HGH, the doctor says I'll grow enough to finally be able to unroll these fucking cuffs. After 30 years, I'm willing to try just about anything.--El Vez
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Put a dozen of these in dolly's milk and she spends the whole day hugging the shitter.--Frenchy, the toad swallower
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Call off your imperialist running-dog lackeys at once! If I release the switch on this detonator, you'll be explaining your actions to Allah *in person*!--anon
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Hey! I've found Gramma's medication! Maybe she'll put her clothes on and get off the mailbox.--jybe
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Mommy -- my skin is tingly an' I can't feel my feet. Is that wrong?--Vice Pope Doug
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OK, so after three months you finally caught me. But you gotta admit, since I started dosing Dad's coffee, he's been docile, manageable, happy and focused on his work...and can you even remember the last time he tried to hump someone's leg?--Rotter
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Yeah, Percodan...twelve a day. What did you think I meant when I said "I'm one of Jerry's Kids"?--Rotter
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"Trichlorymethyl Disulfate 500 mg"? Jesus, Mom...why not just give Dolly a glass of warm milk?--Rotter
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No, mother, the doctor can't call in a 'scrip for Percocet, and Schedule II drugs can't be refilled. Of course, you'd know that if you weren't such a skanked-out brain-dead excuse for a human.--Zenmaster
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"For treatment of anal gonorhhea?" So Dad's been at the bath-houses again?--Zenmaster
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Mommy, the guys at the photo shop said they won't develop any more film for you. They also said you're a very sick lady and should get some 'fressional help.--Anastasia
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Daddy! I found your AZT.--Anastasia
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Why do we have Mr. Wilson's nitro pills?--Anastasia
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Ooooh, the colors!--Anastasia
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OK, but suppose Dolly only took half the bottle? You think she'd live? ....oh, no reason...--the wonder cheese
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After eating the pretty colored candies, Jeffy is stunned to discover that his mother is really a giant fish.--The Lawyer
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Well goddamn! These birth control pills are in Dolly's name! And she had the nerve to turn me down because she said she was "saving herself for marriage"....huh, bullshit!--kafka
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Woah! What's IN this bubble stuff? 'Sides me, of course.--Bill Fortier
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Waddaya mean you can't do a background or ground 'cause you ran out of ink? There's a whole friggin' bottle right here, you lazy bastard!--Bill Fortier
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But Mommy, why would anybody WANT to save a cancerous testicle anyway?--anon
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What's edible bodypaint for??--Don Spudleone
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I don't think a shotgun shell this size will be able to blow Dolly's head clean off....got anything bigger?--Don Spudleone
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I don't know what this shit is, but suddenly, "Whiter Shade of Pale" makes perfect sense to me!--zazu
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Look I'm for anything that'll put some meat on the table. That's why I think the DFC pez dispenser is a great idea!--zazu
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Captain, I have never encountered tricorder readings like this before. It's life Jim, but not as we know it.--paTRICK heSTER
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What do you think will give PJ a better diaper rash, crushed garlic or paprika?--Keef
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As Jeffy's anti-gravity device lifted him above the clouds, he suddenly realized he'd forgotten to hook up the off button.--paTRICK heSTER
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Daddy, Mom's so whacked that she gave the fish her 'ludes and snorted the fish food again.--Myke
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I don't know what the hell this shit is, but it's makin' me feel very isolated right now!--Vice Pope Doug
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Mom ---------- meeeeee ? ? ? .....Wh ------- at ............ izzzzzz ................"Va --------- llllll ---- iiiiii ----- uummmmmm" ? ? ? ?--Vice Pope Doug
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Gramma's def'nately dead. Can I have her Percodan? Pretty please?--Vice Pope Doug
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Now that I think about it, I don't really need to take this whole bottle of pills to commit suicide when I'm already in freefall without a parachute.--The Outsider
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Trust me. Just slip one of these into Dolly's drink and it's party time.--anon
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Last time we switched Mommy's birth control pills with these vitamins we got PJ.--CMJ
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Mommy, are these the effectual pills you're always cursing about whenever you see all for of us kids together?--Jojo the Spiv
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You've been leaving these dangerous prescription drugs laying around my bedroom for the last month, hoping that curiosity would eventually get the better of me. But look, Einstein, this is a childproof cap!!! I mean, DUH!!--ferret
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