DFC #426 |
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Image © 1998 Bil Keane, Inc. Distributed by Cowles Synd., Inc. |
Dolly is tested for the Y2K bug.--Larry Hastings
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After twenty years of finding sex in Ritz crackers advertising, Wilson Brian Key turns his eye to a new foe: satanic messages in the funny pages.--Larry Hastings
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Fun Family Circus Facts: This scene, occurring just moments before a severely intoxicated Bil beats Dolly into the ICU for "showin' off her fancy grade school learnin'" is the last in which she doesn't have the scar.--Hang Lose
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"Eight's my favoritest number because:" 1) it looks like two melon heads french-kissin', 2) it reminds me of Mommy on a good tit day, 3) it's an easy way to draw Daddy's eyes. Dolly's Daily Pick-a-Caption Popup Book, 1967--Stan Xhiao
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Addition: If Keane's comic syndicate pays him one dollar per amusing comic, per year, and he negotiates an increase of 7 dollars,what is his annual salary? Write this number five times.--zen
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Spartikade, 1966, Karl-Marx-Stad, East Germany. Dolly's judging of the women's floor excercise was unforgiving. But her high standards, combined with a steady diet of anabolic steroids, helped create the East German Olympic Juggernaut of the '70s and '80s. "The History of East Bloc Sports" by Pedr Jurganislav Keane.--Lt. Dan
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Dolly signals her fans that there are eight sapphic symbols in this cartoon. Just to get you started, here's three: 1) the lambda in her ear; 2) one of the 7's is an upside-down triangle; 3) her left hand is a profile of Camille Paglia.--Horselover Fat
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But I already drew the nines, said Dolly, turning her sixes over and starting on the long road of owning her own car dealerships.--Mr. ?
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"Now I can't go swimming for a half an hour."--hangtownman
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In Bil Keane's most controversial drawing, he incorporates the Number of the Beast, the telephone suffix for the Florida Lottery, and the symbol for the So-Blotto-You've-Got-Double-Vision Olympics.--Ken
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Quit doing that, PJ, I'm trying to concentrate!--Ken
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Look, mommy, I'm a master-eighter!--Ken (and no doubt many others)
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Dolly forgets to "Duck and Cover".--Bad Girl
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The sweat shop where Sesame Street lyrics are written.--Bad Girl
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The spelling tests were easy during "All-Numbers Week." Special ed rocked!--Bad Girl
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"I like 8's. They're crazy. Just like me! Ha ha ha!" Then she opened fire....--Bad Girl
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Guess what I just calculated! In 88,888 A.D., I'll still be only six fucking years old!--agm
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We here at Cowles are committed to you, the reading public. That is why we have a crack team of cryptographers on staff working around the clock so that one day, we will able to unlock the humor in our Family Circus panels.--bobo
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See how the eights fit perfectly between the little lines. You know what they call that, dad? PROPORTION! Correct proportion, dad! Look it up.--Mr. ?
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Ah-HAH! What the fuck did Fermat know, anyway?--Gen. Sedgwick
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"Don't think I didn't hear you unzipping when you walked in through the door, Dad. Are you going to keep trying an obscene ambush, or do you want a pencil in your bladder?"--Magus
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"You know... I've been over the figures 11 times, and no matter how you slice it, Gen. Sedgewick's been padding his total."--snackwhore
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Still using that out-of-date home page hit counter?--Ken
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"Eight eights ate eighty-eight--oh, dammit, Bil, you stupid hack! Do you want Schulz to sue us back into the poorhouse?! Think of another gag, you moron!"--Pete
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Fun Family Circus Fact #173: Dolly is the only person in U.S. history to be arrested for forging $6, $7, and $8 dollar bills.--Helder
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Ma'am, may I be excused? My walnut-sized brain is full.--Namgubed the Merry Elf (nod to GL)
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"Ahhhh!" Dolly exclaimed as little Joey Pemberton eased another finger into her from behind.--Rev. Stackpole
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"Yep, eight fingers again today! It's been a banner week!"--Sean Q
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My god, I think I've hit on something! "oo" is just an 8...sideways! I still don't get it.--Eek! the Fed
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Hey kids! You too can draw Dolly! Just follow these easy steps: 1) Draw the figure 8. 2) Make the top oval her melon-shaped head; draw a ponytail if in profile. 3) Throw drawing in trash, or mail to Cowles.--Coalcracker
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"According to my calculations, at this rate Bil will draw a funny strip sometime in August 8888."--Helder
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"Why is 6 afraid of 7? I dunno . . does it have 'busy hands' like Daddy?"--Hang Lose
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You had better believe that after the reaming Dolly got from her teacher for her sloppy '6's and '7's, those 8s were hugging the margin. --Hang Lose
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"ABEND! ABEND! Somebody reboot me!"--Stan Xhiao
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After tracking the size of her ass for 6 weeks, Dolly was forced to admit she had a weight problem.--Helder
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Mommy, if a guy slipped you a roofie, and you don't remember if he screwed you or not, does he still "count"?--Judgement Night
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Panel drawn during the Mr. Keane's "martini period," in which his melon-headed children began to look strangely olive-headed.--Cryptique
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"Out of your last 100 cartoons, eight of them were slightly non-lame. That's a record, Dad -- keep up the good work."--Heath
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"9,10,11 strands of hair. Shit- I gotta get some of Dad's Rogaine and quick!"--Eric the Black
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After 10 months of incessant letter-writing and hanging out around Sesame Street, Dolly finally received a restraining order from The Count.--The Dork Wanderer
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Dolly's search for the exact value of pi veers dramatically off-course.--me, myself, I
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Dolly toiled long hours to perfect the signatures of several of Sesame Street's sponsors. Her next stop would be the bank to cash some checks.--Lord Zombie
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Regrettably, at that moment that Dolly suffered severe writer's block. Her great American novel would never be completed.--Shifter
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"Wronk wronk wronk wronk?" Why can't you cartoon teachers speak clearly?--Judgement Night
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Sister Clara was taught to be patient, but these special ed kids shouting "BINGO! BINGO! I've got Bingo." after every number she called out was starting to test her limits.--Judgement Night
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"You're out of your league, Schroeder, you couldn't afford my vig! Why don't you try Peppermint Patty, she's always good for chump numbers like yours."--Stan Xhiao
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"Guess what, Bil . . 66,666 monkeys, typing randomly for 77,777 years, would produce material 88,888% funnier than this stupid strip!"--Hang Lose
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Oh, so eight years is greater than what you got for statutory rape, but less than your first-degree manslaughter conviction. Gee Dad, your rap sheet makes learning math so easy!--hl
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" Like Da Vinci, Dolly wrote everything in code. Thel knew what the shopping list meant, however, because all Dolly ever wanted was malt liquor."--Adam K.
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Dolly's quest to calculate 'infinity plus one' continues.--Heath
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Wow, only two more commandments to break.--Argyle
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